As of today, I have lived sixty days without alcohol. It feels like six years. Just two months ago, I was drinking wine every night and sometimes vodka, too. Towards the end, I was pouring very generous glasses of wine and this glass would have been perfect.
Although I doubt I could have hidden it from my husband or my family. Because at the end, that's what you're doing. Hiding how much you're drinking. Making sure there's enough alcohol in the house to last the weekend.
I live in a county that has "Blue" laws. You can't buy any type of alcohol on Sunday. So that means on Friday or Saturday you have to be sure and get your supply. If you do this then it probably means you have a problem, too.
This was one of the little things that nagged at me. That tiny thought at the back of my mind that kept intruding and ruining some of the pleasure of drinking.
Do I miss it? Yes, I have to say that I do miss it and think about it. Especially in the evening. It would be so lovely to settle down with a roaring fire and a glass of wine. That's when I have to remind myself that it would never be one glass. It would be four or five. Even though I know alcohol is poison for me, I still want it. That's sick, isn't it?
That's where taking one day at a time comes into play.
Oh that roaring fire~I find the word ROARING jumped out at me!!! Who is the ROARING LION seeking who he may destroy? I know you know JOHN 10:10. It sure does paint a pretty picture but it's death to us. For me Renee darling, alcohol was one of the things the enemy used to destroy me along with drugs, sex and disordered eating.
ReplyDeleteI remember taking a trip to AR. with Jim, to his parents condo. You can't imagine the manipulating I had to do to get to the liquor store for another bottle and then to have wine to cover my breath. It was my best friend in a horrible marriage.
Do you have dreams that you drink again? Believe it or not I still do.
I'm praying for you often and look forward to our conversation.
Forgiven and Set Free!