Working Step One

Five weeks and one day without alcohol. Seems much longer.

I have my "big blue book" as they call it. The AA bible, basically. And I have the book on the 12 Steps , too.

I'm still on Step One. Admitting that I am powerless over alcohol.

The last two weeks have been difficult. I am working at coming to grips with the understanding that I cannot drink alcohol.

And it's hard because I still want to. I find myself at times thinking about having a glass or two of wine. I'm still mourning the loss of fun times such as going wine tasting on the wine trail near my home.

All the guys at AA tell me that it's every alcoholics dream to find a way to control their drinking.

But we can't. And that's why we can't drink. It's black and white - no gray area at all. And that's what I find so hard. It's all or nothing.

It's only been five weeks. I hope that in a year I will feel different. The truth in that old AA proverb is my lifeline: One day at a time. That's what is getting me through.

I'm taking one day at a time.