It feels SO much longer. The first AA meeting I went to feels like it had to have been last year, not almost 3 months ago.
I'm starting to tell some of my friends about it it. That's key.
Keeping the problem hidden makes it more difficult to overcome. But bringing it out into the light breaks the backbone of it.
That makes it sound as if it is an animal or a living thing. And in a way it is. It's something that has gotten away from you, that's spiraled out of control. Something that's escaped from its cage.
By telling people about it you are decreasing the chances that you'll fall back into it.
Here's a link to a website where you can take an anonymous test to determine if you might have a problem. But I'm going to warn you. If you think you need to take the test, then you probably already have a problem. I did something like this at least twice in the last two years. I think I knew but I wasn't ready to admit it yet.
www.AlcoholScreening.org.
Do I still think about drinking? Yes. Nearly every night. But right now that compulsion isn't there. If we had alcohol in the house, it would be difficult. But we don't.
If I wanted to drink now I would have to be sneaky about it. And I don't want to do that. The Lord has gotten me through so far.
Do I still have fantasies about being able to drink again and control my drinking? Yes. I've already mentioned that all the AA guys have told me this is every alcoholics dream. But it can't be done. Nope.
So I'm continuing on this journey of learning to live without alcohol.
Thank you for sharing this struggle in your life. I can imagine some of the agony over making this decision to go public.
ReplyDeleteHaving grown up in a house with a completely non-function alcoholic mother I have seen the damage that alcoholism brings to many families. The shame and guilt can be overwhelming. My mother actually found the strength to stop drinking in the last few years of her life. Another addiction, smoking, killed her.
I have never been tempted by alcohol (food is another issue). With food I can binge and not want my wife to know how much I have eaten. I think that in some way most of us have compulsions and addictions.
Some addictions are more acceptable socially than others. Alcoholics and drug addicts often are looked down upon if not out-rightly condemned by the church, but food addicts are not. Those with a sexual addiction are treated as pariahs. The church must be a place of grace for all.
In our work we see those who have been addicted to both drugs and alcohol. We see the devastated lives. We also see the freedom that many find in Christ. Some seem to easily drop their addictions and move on with little or no temptation. Those are looked upon as the faithful, true believers. The ones who have really "repented".
At the same time we see others who relapse over and over again. They struggle even more because they feel (and sometimes are taught) that they have failed Christ. We try to teach the that brokenness is a part of our lives as human beings. This is why we need a savior. We cannot "save" ourselves nor can we keep ourselves "saved". It is gratifying when you see a person who has struggled with the guilt of "falling" when the realize that Christ does not condemn them, nor does he reject them. Grace is the answer to everyone, not just for those who look good on the outside. We tell our young friends "when you fall down, He will pick you up, brush you off, say 'well done' and encourage you to take a few more steps."
I pray that you find the freedom that you desire and always trust in the grace that Christ so freely gives.
Good for you! I know full well what a funtioning alcoholic is. My father-in-law was one...and he worked his job 46 years! On time! Hardly missed work! Crashed at night and on the weekends. Back up at work on Monday morning. It's an unbelievable life and I'm glad you and the Lord have a grip on yours! Good goin', sister! Let us know if you need a special prayer! June
ReplyDeleteThank you, June and Michael, for your thoughtful comments. I think there are many more high-functioning alcoholics around us than people realize. Almost everyone I speak to has a family member or friend struggling with alcohol. Or other addictions.
ReplyDeleteWe all certainly do need a Savior to save us from ourselves!
Proud of you, Renee. I know this wasn't easy, but I am so proud of you. Know that we are praying for you, and for the others who are fighting it like you. Good job, sister! God is good!
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